Ep 15: Why High-Achieving Men Fail at Romance (And It's Not What You Think) w/ Dennis Procopio

You've got the career, the income, and the respect of everyone at the office, so why does the woman you love feel like she's living with a stranger?

You're not a bad guy, you're just missing something nobody ever taught you.

Dennis Procopio (The Bro Coach®) and Andrew Bontz get into the real reason high-achieving men fail at romance, and it has nothing to do with effort. You're probably trying harder than you think. The problem is you're running an itinerary when she's looking for a connection. Checking boxes when she needs your eyes. You're present in the room and completely absent in the relationship.

This episode gets into why the checklist approach to romance always backfires, what women actually mean when they say they want a man to lead, and why the guy making $500K is getting outplayed by the broke musician sleeping on her couch. Also: the curling analogy that redefines masculine leadership, and why frequency beats grand gestures every single time.

TIMESTAMPS 0:00 - What Women Actually Want From Men 2:40 - Why She Feels Alone Even When You Show Up 8:15 - The Checklist Trap High-Achieving Men Fall Into 14:30 - Romance vs. Romance Theater 22:00 - What Real Masculine Leadership Looks Like in Relationships 31:45 - Presence as the X Factor She Can't Explain 42:10 - Frequency Over Grand Gestures 50:00 - Love Is Service, Not Performance

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN

• Why checking every box still leaves her feeling alone
• The difference between showing up and actually being present
• What women mean when they say they want a man to lead
• Why confidence in your relationship matters more than income
• How frequency of connection beats grand romantic gestures
• The real reason men go through the motions and don't even know it

THIS HITS IF YOU'RE

• Doing everything right and still losing ground at home
• Successful at work but emotionally checked out at home
• Wondering why she seems distant when you're trying your ass off
• Ready to stop performing in your relationship and start connecting

TAKE ACTION Free 30-minute strategy session: https://www.manuplifecoaching.com/application

CONNECT Website: https://brocoach.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/manuplifecoaching TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@manuplifecoaching YouTube: https://youtube.com/@manuplifecoaching

ABOUT THE SHOW The Bro Coach® Podcast with Dennis Procopio. Not red-pill garbage. Not therapy. Real coaching for guys who achieved success but missed the point. Dennis has 25,000+ hours working with high-earning men ($150K to $3M+) who look successful but feel stuck.

Transcript

00:00:00:06 - 00:00:26:16
Andrew
Most men want more. More clarity. More respect. More control over their lives. But few know how to get it. Welcome to the pro coach podcast with Dennis Procopio, the founder of Man Up Life Coaching and the man behind thousands of transformed lives. Not red pill, not therapy. Just the evolved man's blueprint for strength, presence and purpose. Welcome to another episode of the Bro Coach podcast.

00:00:26:17 - 00:00:37:16
Andrew
I'm Andrew Barnes. I am here with the bro coach himself, Dennis Procopio. Today we are gonna be talking a little bit about love. Before we get to it, Dennis, are you ready for it?

00:00:37:18 - 00:00:42:05
Dennis
Am I ready for love? Andrew? Of course I'm ready. Let's go.

00:00:42:07 - 00:01:04:02
Andrew
Hey, man. Tomorrow, Lisa, when recording, this is Valentine's Day and thinking about all the dudes. You know, obviously, when you listen to this, it's past Valentine's Day. But where do men mess everything up when it comes to giving gifts to their lady? That's really what I want to talk about.

00:01:04:03 - 00:01:30:20
Dennis
Yeah, that the topic? All right. Let's kick it off. Well, that's actually kind of a good one because it's low hanging fruit. Right? Hey, I'm a guy. I'm in relationship with a woman. I have learned that I have to do Valentine's Day. I'm still waiting for March 14th and steak and a BJ day to, additionally, manifest. Seems like everybody's got their own months now.

00:01:30:22 - 00:02:03:09
Dennis
But that one is some being left off the, left off the calendar. Yeah, there's a thing. You know, you've got your love languages, right? You've got your women, like, acts of service. Women like, What are your stupid five love languages? You know, your acts of service, your your words of, you know, whatever affirmation, quality gift quality, time, gift giving and a giant cock.

00:02:03:09 - 00:02:38:07
Dennis
I think that is one of the. Is that the fifth love language? I always forget this. But anyway, the the like wrap around your leg. That's what women are always looking for in relationships. Now what they're looking for is romance. That is the number one thing women are looking for. They're looking for romance. I got out of a session earlier today, where a guy, was telling me about some friendly engagement he's having with a woman at work, and he's single.

00:02:38:09 - 00:03:13:05
Dennis
And I'm listening to what they're talking about. I'm saying to my guy, she's single. He's like, no, she's married. All right. Do you feel like the quality of conversation that you're having is appropriate, like, for somebody who's married is like, not really, but that's kind of unheard. And. And I said, yeah, I think I would like to advise you to pull back on that, because somewhere at home there's a bro that doesn't know that his wife is coming to work.

00:03:13:07 - 00:03:37:02
Dennis
And high key flirting with you. And even though there's no physical, you guys are. I'm sorry, but you guys are dating, like, there's no two ways about it. Like, she's asking you personal questions, inviting, sharing information with you. You're her work boyfriend. And he's like, yeah, now that you say it like that. I guess I kind of am.

00:03:37:04 - 00:04:03:14
Dennis
I'm like, you knew this? Like, hey, I guess I kind of knew. I'm like, hey, knock it off. So my message isn't for him. My message is for homey who doesn't realize his wife is coming to work flirting because she's starved for romance. What kind of gift does she want? Women like stuff. Sure. What she like I frickin, you know, $8,000 Dolce Gabbana clutch or something?

00:04:03:16 - 00:04:28:12
Dennis
Sure. She like to be taken out to dinner for 3 to 500 bucks? Like maybe a michelin star restaurant? Sure. Would she like for you to bring her flowers and give her a chance to dress up in her pretty red dress and take all sorts of pictures with you looking all shaved up and with some product in your hair or beard or whatever you're working with.

00:04:28:14 - 00:04:55:08
Dennis
Yeah. Chest hair. You know, so that she can put it on social media and go, look, girls, look at me. I'm a prince. Princess. For a day. Yeah, but yes, but if she could only have one thing, the one thing that she would have would be genuine intimacy with you. Genuine intimacy. And what is genuine intimacy?

00:04:55:10 - 00:05:28:04
Dennis
It's a quality of communication and sharing space more than anything else. That's what she wants. So your real question is what two women actually want. And what I'm going to answer is women actually want you to be present. You to be flirty. You to stand in your masculinity and push back a little bit when they test because that's both annoying and kind of hot.

00:05:28:06 - 00:05:55:11
Dennis
And they want you to make them feel like they're on a date and a good date feels like they're cheating on their normal transactional routine. So it's kind of like the song, you know, if you like pina coladas, right? They end up both, you know, finding out that they're in the classifieds together and they both go on a date and essentially cheat on their routines with each other.

00:05:55:13 - 00:06:17:00
Dennis
So what do women want? They don't know. They'll tell you. They'll tell you that they don't know. They'll tell you that they don't know. You got you got a list of criteria. And yet, no matter how many of these boxes I check, I'm constantly moving the goalposts. I don't know what I want. What I really want is I want a man to lead.

00:06:17:02 - 00:06:22:20
Dennis
So what should you get her? Whatever you want.

00:06:22:22 - 00:06:52:21
Dennis
Like, really? Whatever you want. You should get her whatever you want. You should get her something. You want to get her? Me? I'll use my own relationship as an example. I know that my partner, wife. Historically loves these candies. Where? In Southern California. She has a history with CS candies. Her dad was a big CS candy fan. CS is great.

00:06:52:23 - 00:07:13:17
Dennis
Local chocolate teria or whatever. And it's become tradition for us that I get her CS candies, so I'm going to get it. But also, there's kind of an expectation that I'm going to do that. I'm going to get her flowers. Why? Because women like flowers. I don't want her to be Miley Cyrus. I don't want her to have to buy your own flowers.

00:07:13:23 - 00:07:40:00
Dennis
I don't want her to have to hold her own hand. I want her to, on Saturday, wake up and discover there's a bouquet of roses. Why? Because she's a girl. Well, 54 year old girl, but she's the girl. She's. She's a girl. You know, Gen X, we stay young, but she's a she's she's a girl at heart.

00:07:40:02 - 00:08:01:24
Dennis
She does kind of like the flowers and the candy, but more than anything, as if that weren't there, she'd be like, all right, well, I guess I'm be downsized because, you know, this is. I usually get more than that. So as a rule, I'm probably going to get her candy. I'm going to get her a card. I'm going to get her flowers.

00:08:02:01 - 00:08:41:19
Dennis
But most importantly, we have a dinner date and my son is going to have who is if you're if you've been following us. Is, autistic? So he requires a special care provider. She's going to come over and provide respite care. Celia and I are going to go out to dinner. We've made reservations, and it's going to be me pretending I'm not, like, tripping at how full the restaurant is, because it's Valentine's Day and I don't like crowds, which is why I live in a fucking desert, because it's deserted.

00:08:41:21 - 00:09:07:13
Dennis
But anyway, it's going to be me pretending I'm like, hey, all right, well, we're doing dinner. It's going to be her being able to have some drinks and me being a designated driver. It's going to be us ordering adventurous food. It's going to be us tasting each other's food. It's going to be her talking to me about her law job and how much she likes her new job.

00:09:07:17 - 00:09:26:15
Dennis
It's going to be her talking to me about the state of the world and the Epstein files and every other goddamn thing she wants to talk about. And it's going to be me instead of going, uhhuh. Because that's what my life coach told me to do to survive a conversation. Instead, I'm going to actually give a shit. Somehow I'm going to actually give a shit.

00:09:26:17 - 00:09:50:11
Dennis
I don't know how I'm going to do that, but I'm going to give a shit. And that is the gift that I'm going to give her. And then if everything goes well when we get home, I'll give her something else. But, But that did it. It did, it did. But is. But as far as, like, what should you get her?

00:09:50:13 - 00:10:13:14
Dennis
The book, what's the book? By the by the guy. John. John, what was it? What's it? Guy. Oh, Mars. Venus men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Which with, Doctor John Gray, I think, is a guy named, He makes a point about women. It's like it really underscores Janet. Janet Jackson's.

00:10:13:14 - 00:10:34:23
Dennis
What have you done for me lately? The premise of that. Men you give them say, kind of BJ or you let them go on a weekend camping trip with their buddies and not, you know. Like, blow them up in texts the whole time they're gone. And when he gets home, be like, hey, do you have a good time with the boys?

00:10:35:00 - 00:11:09:00
Dennis
That's worth like 50, 100, 500 points? Like, that's like putting a moose in your freezer. You can, like, live off of that for a while. Women. I don't care if you write her a love letter. Send her a little heart for a text or flier to fucking Paris, to have her favorite meal. You get one point. So instead of trying to be the guy who's going grandiose with everything that you do, recognize that frequency is clutch because she needs constant reassurance and be frequent.

00:11:09:02 - 00:11:14:05
Dennis
So that's what I got to say to that. What do you got?

00:11:14:07 - 00:11:15:19
Andrew
So you said a few things.

00:11:15:21 - 00:11:18:01
Dennis
Yeah, I did.

00:11:18:03 - 00:11:24:04
Andrew
The is you described a good date and I mean you went through it pretty fast.

00:11:24:06 - 00:11:31:05
Dennis
So but isn't that the dream a go on. Yeah. That's that's go on, go on.

00:11:31:07 - 00:11:52:13
Andrew
So let's break it down. Like, I think that men like. Oh, yeah, I have take her on a good date and actually listen and actually ask questions. And you know, just put myself in the shoes of the dude sit at home right now. It's like, yeah, yeah, I know that stuff. I'm doing that already. And there's probably a good chance they're not.

00:11:52:15 - 00:11:59:23
Andrew
So where are they stubborn in their toe in this process that they like? Where are the blinders. Like, how can we figure off these dudes?

00:12:00:00 - 00:12:32:22
Dennis
Yeah, dude. Hold up. Wait a minute. You're right in my wheelhouse now because I've actually had a version of this session a bunch of times this week. Really? Like just by some weird, you know, not coincidence, but I think more than ever, I think women are being incredibly responsive and noticing this culturally. I mean, I have clients in all time zones, and right now, more than ever, we're living in a world where they're really shaken.

00:12:32:22 - 00:12:39:01
Dennis
This freaking can advance, and we're the ants. And so.

00:12:39:03 - 00:12:56:12
Dennis
A lot of guys are just putting their head down and going, I got to stay the hell away from the news. I can't with that. I can't like it's it's it's exhausting me. I got to just put my head down and just worry about my job and my family right now. Like, I really can't. Pizzagate, Epstein freaking whatever the hell's going on?

00:12:56:12 - 00:13:22:09
Dennis
Israel. Freakin Russia. China. You know, Venezuela, it's Charlie Kirk. It's too much. I can't, I can't I'm overloaded, I can't Bitcoin I robot you know, so guys are like, just checking out, man. They're on the couch with, you know, doom scrolling and just kind of go under the wave and wait for this to all kind of pass.

00:13:22:11 - 00:14:00:02
Dennis
Women are not doing that. Women are doing what women do. They're talking about it. They're in conversations. They're on forums. They're checking in with each other. They're asking, you know, intelligent questions about what's happening and how can we fix it. So more than anything, what she is needing right now from him is she's needing him to share space with her in a way that makes her feel not alone and makes her feel safe.

00:14:00:02 - 00:14:43:06
Dennis
And guys hate when you say that it just it's a trigger. Like, oh, here you go. Makes you feel safe. Sorry, I'm a big dumb ape that, you know, breaks things and you don't feel safe. You know, while the reality is she's not saying you can't speak your truth, she's saying, I would like to be able to talk to you in a way that even if we disagree, you're still like, really talking to me like a friend.

00:14:43:08 - 00:15:07:03
Dennis
Like if you got into a a heated debate with your college friends, you know, you're all sitting around in the ref scholar or whatever. Well, you know, defending your French fries and like, look, good chocolate milkshakes are talking about something really important. And you decide this is where you're going to take your last stand. And one person says, I disagree.

00:15:07:03 - 00:15:37:23
Dennis
And then another person says, all right, well, let's talk about it. And they go at it. You're still friends. You're friends. You're just friends having a having a spicy conversation. This week alone, I have had more conversations with men who have said, I don't know how to show up for her in the way that she wants. If I don't say anything, she says that I'm being emotionally negligent.

00:15:37:23 - 00:16:13:07
Dennis
I'm being withdrawn. She if she uses me of a, a passive, you know, whatever avoidant, dissociative, you know, attachment style, dismissive avoidant, and so then if I go, all right, you want to talk, then I say you want me to be authentic. Then I say what I'm actually thinking, and feeling, and then it turns into a fight with her saying, I don't feel safe talking to you.

00:16:13:09 - 00:16:42:16
Dennis
And he's going, that's why I shut up and. And so then she goes and talks to her girlfriends and it's like, am I asking too much here? And they're like, no, men are just they don't get it. And blah, blah, blah, the patriarchy. And so and also but also, hey, if it does happen to be World War three, can you see me with your big strong man muscles?

00:16:42:16 - 00:17:18:20
Dennis
Thanks. So, so what can you offer a woman? If you're the guy who's like, I got it, I do all the stuff you just said. If it feels like if you are checking boxes like candy, check roses, check. Like tick base, check. Shave, check. Product in hair. Check. Shirt. She likes check. Write distress. Make you look fat? No.

00:17:18:22 - 00:17:24:10
Dennis
Check.

00:17:24:12 - 00:17:42:12
Dennis
And his whole M.O. is like, okay, now we're in the car. Okay, now we're pulling up to the restaurant. Okay, now we're in the restaurant. Okay, now we're. The bill should be coming soon. Okay, now we're on the card game. Okay. Now, maybe you're. Maybe we. Maybe we're going to help. Maybe on air. Okay, now I'm on the couch again.

00:17:42:12 - 00:17:58:22
Dennis
That was Valentine's Day, and somewhere along the way, she's like. She feels like she just. You went through the motions, but you weren't really there with her, man. Does that that resonate? Do you feel me on that?

00:17:58:24 - 00:18:21:18
Andrew
Yeah, I think a lot. What you just went through that a lot of men struggle with, right. Like the the check, check, check on keeping score right where it's like linear or logical. It's like someone gave me a checklist. I accomplished the checklist. Or maybe it's formulaic to where it's like a plus B plus c plus d equals sex.

00:18:21:20 - 00:18:55:00
Andrew
Because I did a through D, I get sex, you know like it's it's this logical formula. But women don't follow that formula of a plus d pussy plus d right. They're like all right, well you have to have like the X factor, which is what you're talking about. Like that having that X factor of actually giving a shit and caring enough to lean in.

00:18:55:02 - 00:19:12:16
Andrew
Right. And so as, as these guys, are you talking about that it's these guys in session, you know, where I mean, how can you give advice with that being there with them again, how do you handle that situation?

00:19:12:18 - 00:19:36:06
Dennis
For do you ask that? Because I have literally been, the guy for, for years without trying to sound like I'm full of myself. Look, I'm just going to say you either have it or you don't, and I have it. I've always had it. I like since I was in high school, in my senior year of high school.

00:19:36:08 - 00:20:01:02
Dennis
I just started, dating and when I came out, I was like, when I say it came out, I mean, when I came out of my, like, not I came out of, like, my gay closet or whatever, but I knew I, like you just couldn't walk it. Let me say outright, yeah, I like cock. Okay. There we run through club clubs.

00:20:01:02 - 00:20:25:03
Dennis
Could to be like, no, no, no, he's not allowed to say that he's going to get kicked off the platform. No. But seriously, when I was like a, I was like a very shy, young guy in, in high school, I was dealing with a lot like, if you've listen to some of my other podcasts, you know, I have a kind of a crappy, crappy backstory.

00:20:25:05 - 00:21:09:04
Dennis
So I wasn't going to parties and hooking up with girls or whatever. In high school, I was like, dealing with grown people problems. But in my senior year high school and then coming into college, I turned a kind of a corner and I started to really understand the mechanics of connecting in a meaningful way with women. And when I tell you, like, the bases were loaded and I was just the runs were just getting batted and it was just it was it was going like that.

00:21:09:06 - 00:21:40:14
Dennis
The reason I think that I was so successful, yes, I was handsome, but so was everybody. Like, hey, a bunch of handsome guys and pretty girls. Yes. I was in good physical shape, but whatever. Honestly, nobody even cared about that. What was working for me at that time is that. I really was honest about my attraction to women.

00:21:40:16 - 00:22:12:17
Dennis
Like, if I was attracted to her, you could see it in my face. Like you see it in my eyes. You could feel it. You could smell it on my breath, man. It was like, I'm really attracted to this person. But I wouldn't be, like aggressive and gross with it. I would pull back and be restrained, and I would also kind of be like, I wouldn't see a vagina with a person attached to it, you know what I mean?

00:22:12:19 - 00:22:33:17
Dennis
Like, for real, you know, and there's a difference. I would be like, okay, here's this person. Maybe, maybe this will just be a date and that's it. Maybe this will be a hookup. Maybe this will be a fling. Maybe this will be a long term relationship. I don't know, but I want to explore it, and I want to do it slowly, and I want to do it carefully.

00:22:33:17 - 00:23:10:19
Dennis
And it's kind of like, you know, eating a really good meal. Like, I want to slow down. I want to be present with it. I want to taste it. I want to smell it. I want to be there. And women seem to appreciate that presence and that sort of emotional vulnerability and that vibrational honesty like, if you ask me, I'll tell you, yes, of course, I'm sexually attracted to you.

00:23:10:21 - 00:23:41:16
Dennis
But also I'm interested in who you are as a person. I'm interested in what your thoughts are. I'm forensically curious when you wash your long hair because I don't have long hair. So that's kind of interesting for me. I find it charming that you hang your bras all over the frickin shower curtain like men don't do that. So I think there's this.

00:23:41:18 - 00:24:10:18
Dennis
I think there is this feeling that women always had with me of. I just like sharing space with this guy. And that was there every time we shared space, it was there on a coffee date. It was there on a dinner date. It was there on a trip to a museum. It was there on a ferry ride to the beach in Long Island.

00:24:10:20 - 00:24:13:24
Dennis
Whatever.

00:24:14:01 - 00:25:05:15
Dennis
So what are these guys not doing? Well. They're. They're. They're not understanding how to fully open up and be present. And for all of our gay jokes, there's actually something there. Because for guys, it can be uncomfortable to make yourself so emotionally vulnerable and so present that it feels like this doesn't feel masculine. I feel vulnerable, I feel like the bottom like that, like that is not a fun feeling for guys.

00:25:05:15 - 00:25:34:11
Dennis
And so in coaching, the comedy of man up life coaching is I'm literally having to teach guys how to be comfortable in the uncomfortable with the uncomfortable is not having a script, not checking boxes, not running an itinerary. But from the moment you engage with her, making her feel like he's here for me and he's here with me, I like this.

00:25:34:13 - 00:25:58:15
Dennis
I like how this moment feels. I'm hearing something and I'm seeing that she's hearing it, too. And then I'm seeing him communicate with his eyes that we're both seeing the same thing. Wow. We're communicating non-verbally. That's flirty. I like that I want to hump him. She'll make her decisions super early on. Oh, he can get it really early on.

00:25:58:15 - 00:26:16:22
Dennis
It's. It's his game to lose because she'll decide really early on. Oh yeah, he can get it. And so and so his job is instead of like jumping on that his job is to play that tension and to be like, this isn't about whether I get laid or not.

00:26:16:24 - 00:26:38:06
Dennis
Just like a fishing trip that starts with waking up and making your cup of coffee, I'm fishing right there. From the moment that coffee is getting made, I'm already fishing. That's part of the fishing trip for her. From the moment they exchange text messages, it's all foreplay. It's all sex.

00:26:38:08 - 00:26:48:04
Dennis
And he's missing it because he's trying to close his eyes on something, ring a bell, and then go tell his buddies he did it. You feel me?

00:26:48:06 - 00:27:08:22
Andrew
So what does he talked about? Every woman wants a man to lead. And I think the high achieving guys is like, I'm a good leader. I lead at work and I lead things right, but I feel like they might be hearing something different than what you're saying. And what does that have to do with what you just said?

00:27:08:24 - 00:27:10:20
Andrew
Like a man to lead?

00:27:10:22 - 00:27:36:17
Dennis
Yeah, I love that. That's actually a really good question, Andrew. I see this come up in spaces a lot like like on Instagram. I will man, I am doing battle out there on those meme Instagram streets because because like, there was this one post that this woman, posted where she was showing three different looks and it said girl code.

00:27:36:17 - 00:27:54:23
Dennis
And she sit there, she's sitting there with a little fingernails and her makeup, and she's sipping on her straw, and she quick cuts a look over to her friend. Then she quick to look over to her friend. Then she quick cuts a look over to her friend, and she explains how each of these three looks have a different meaning.

00:27:55:00 - 00:28:03:06
Dennis
One is he's cute, one is he's annoying, and one is help like bail me out.

00:28:03:08 - 00:28:25:08
Speaker 3
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00:28:25:08 - 00:28:32:23
Speaker 3
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00:28:33:00 - 00:28:54:20
Dennis
And as a joke, I said on this particular, post, yeah, guys are a lot simpler than that. If you like. If we like you, we stay. And if we don't, we leave. And I got the dudes all cracked up laughing. The women all showed up lambasting me, saying, you're taking your man male privilege for granted because you don't understand.

00:28:54:22 - 00:29:15:13
Dennis
No, we don't have the privilege of just leaving. We leave and you follow us and roofie us or frickin whatever. Like, no, we have girl code for a reason. Like there's a reason we choose the bare. We're out there hoping we find the good guy, but we know that we're rolling the dice and good guys are like 1 in 20.

00:29:15:15 - 00:29:42:08
Dennis
And so that's 19 opportunities to get either stuck in a really stupid date that's hard to get out of or date raped or murdered, which is like on every girl's mind when she goes out to a date. And in fairness, I was like, all right, I got, I got a dial my, my my jokey guy energy back a little bit and say, yeah, I feel you, I feel you, I feel you.

00:29:42:08 - 00:30:14:22
Dennis
I apologize for my for my, you know, great brethren who don't seem to appreciate how to date people properly. And that's a big thing. That is a big thing. It's the woman is showing up, afraid that she's going to be vulnerable and it's going to get exploited. The man thinks leadership means he drives the car. He unlocks the door.

00:30:14:23 - 00:30:51:05
Dennis
He tips the valet. He pays for the day. He, you know, leads the conversation. You know, he makes definitive choices. Instead of being wishy washy, narrow. That's that's cool. But that's not really what she's looking for. Leadership is actually kind of like dancing, right? Like when and you dance, you're you're the dancer. I want to talk about private.

00:30:51:05 - 00:30:55:16
Andrew
Things except for money.

00:30:55:18 - 00:31:19:18
Dennis
There's any old musical do, but I guarantee you, if I drop a polka, you're going to be like. Well, but here, not any old. I don't have trouble getting my job on this, but now, Sorry, but sorry, I digress. I'm supposed to be, like, serious and professional, right? Whatever. The comedy is, it's actually that kind of irreverence that makes women like Snow White.

00:31:19:23 - 00:31:30:08
Dennis
You know, I don't like the Coke smoother. Well, I was going to say Coke through their nose, and I'm like, wait, that's a different thing. That's that's how it is. And blow. We don't do that here. Like,

00:31:30:10 - 00:31:32:04
Andrew
The soda Coke. Like there's.

00:31:32:04 - 00:31:32:20
Dennis
No other Coke.

00:31:32:20 - 00:31:34:07
Andrew
That's white powdery stuff.

00:31:34:08 - 00:32:02:11
Dennis
Yeah. What do you people would call pack? But anyway, so it whatever East coast guy, my point is that irreverent humor, when done right, makes women like they like they like it done wrong. It can have an IT factor. What's the difference? The difference is intention. How do you communicate your intention? Dude, women are vibe.

00:32:02:13 - 00:32:39:21
Dennis
You can't fake your intention. Your intention has to be. Genuine. So if your intention is I want to take this girl out. Go through the motions. Have a good day. Go home. In bed. Her. And that's what's interesting for me. Then that's the energy that you lead with. And just like in dancing, if she's not responding to your lead, you have two choices.

00:32:39:23 - 00:33:05:22
Dennis
You change how you lead. You find a different partner. Right. So if a guy and that not I mean, I know we're trying to keep it light for Valentine's Day, but that really leads to some serious conversations about misalignment in relationships where people have been together two years, five years, ten years, 20 years, and.

00:33:05:24 - 00:33:26:06
Dennis
What he led with in the beginning is not working for him now. So let's take it. Let's take it to just. All right, bro, I want to go on out on a date, and it's Valentine's Day, and I have a girlfriend or a wife. I'm in a long term relationship. How do I not only survive this relationship?

00:33:26:07 - 00:33:59:02
Dennis
Excuse me. I'm sorry. How do I not only survive this manufactured fucking hallmark holiday, but that I resent? But how do I do it? Like a stud and maybe actually get something out of it, One girls like Valentine's Day. That's just a thin. It's. It's a relationship tax. Girls like Valentine's Day. That is a thing.

00:33:59:04 - 00:34:36:23
Dennis
So how do you handle that? Honestly? You can say a month ahead of time. Hey, I was just thinking about Valentine's Day, and, like, I never really been honest with each other about, like, I like, I feel like I feel like it just. I'm expected to get like, a card, candy, flowers, a bottle of wine, whatever. But like, if that weren't there, what do you actually want?

00:34:37:00 - 00:35:08:04
Dennis
Now she's going to be like, I don't know. I mean, cards are nice, flowers are nice. I don't know, right? Somewhere there's some women right now listening to this absolutely hating me for that, for that personification. So let's give her a voice. I know exactly what I want, and it's not flowers. Okay, then what is it expect you to know?

00:35:08:06 - 00:35:30:14
Dennis
I mean, we've had this conversation a million times. Do you even know who I am? I am the average guy is going to go. All right, look, do you like flowers, candy and a card? Yes or no? I mean, yeah, I think it's sweet. If you could have something else other than that, what would it be? I don't know, I think going out to dinner is nice.

00:35:30:16 - 00:35:53:13
Dennis
I do like going out to dinner. Okay. Boom. Does it matter to you to get a gift or a card? Honestly, don't say no. And then I trust you, and then I don't do it and I'm in trouble. Do does it matter to you? Do you expect a card or do you legit not care? No, I totally legit don't care.

00:35:53:13 - 00:36:18:19
Dennis
I'd rather you saved a tree. I don't need a card. Honestly, I don't need a card, I really don't. You could just as soon send me a text saying I love you, but your heart's happy Valentine's Day, you sweet, pretty, sexy girl. Okay. How about flowers? I mean, flowers are nice. So. Yes, on flowers, I mean, if you're if you want to.

00:36:18:21 - 00:36:42:12
Dennis
Okay, how about anything else? Like romantic? What would that be? I don't know, part of it is that I don't know what you're going to do. I want to see you. Do so. Then the guy shows up in, like, I don't know, a bunny rabbit suit with a ukulele and a rose in his mouth and starts playing a bad bunny song.

00:36:42:13 - 00:37:01:06
Dennis
It's like, you know, assume the joy of a bad bunny song on the Super Bowl. I don't speak great Spanish, but neither does he. So I feel like we're both kind of winging it here. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

00:37:01:08 - 00:37:30:12
Dennis
She just wants you to be funded. Didn't Cyndi Lauper already explain this to us girls? They want to have fun. That's all they really want. She wants you to be fun, lead with confidence. Your executive dude does not lead with confidence. She might, but he doesn't necessarily believe it with confidence. He doesn't. I've seen fucking homeless musicians sleeping on a girl's couch and she pays there.

00:37:30:15 - 00:38:05:07
Dennis
She's paying all of his food. She's buying them, giving him cigaret money and everything. But he has more confidence in their dynamic than Mister. I make, you know, $500,000 a year. Because he knows for a fact that, like, they have a fun, romantic relationship and she she likes it for whatever reason. She likes it. So you see, the challenge?

00:38:05:09 - 00:38:15:06
Andrew
So yeah, definitely see it. Is it, are there reps for this because I mean as guys. No no.

00:38:15:08 - 00:38:37:12
Dennis
No no. And every single guy tries they did exactly what they do. They get out there, they're freaking notepad and they're like, all right, so what are the rules? Like what do I practice. Yeah. Are the reps for this. It's like, are there reps for an improv class? No. You just come in and you freakin improv, bro. That's the reps.

00:38:37:14 - 00:39:05:16
Andrew
But you don't like. You think about dance right where there's signals, right? Part of dance as you're dancing salsa. If your hand goes this way, if you're, you know, out or in or up or or whatnot, you're signaling to your partner, right? So that's like dance leadership. Is there anything like that that, you know, because one of the things we're if there's a guy sitting at home and like, oh, Dennis said that he just kind of got it at 18.

00:39:05:16 - 00:39:15:10
Andrew
So maybe Dennis is just some guides. You have two women and I'm not that. So I'm fucked, right. Like playing devil's advocate there.

00:39:15:10 - 00:39:41:12
Dennis
So yeah I've had this conversation with guys. They're like okay. So it sounds to me like you're like this seven foot tall guy going to school in a basketball scholarship, trying to explain to five foot me, dude, basketball is really not that hard. You just put the ball in the in the goal. Yeah. Now. And and what I'm saying is it's not like that.

00:39:41:14 - 00:40:09:12
Dennis
It's not like that. I was absolutely not God's gift to women. I was God's curse to hot girls with daddy issues. That's what I was. No real talk. Like real talk. I'm saying it like it was. They were drop dead gorgeous. The sex was the best porn sex you're going to have. And about a year into the relationship, you discover she was totally faking it.

00:40:09:14 - 00:40:37:18
Dennis
And now you're in a sexless relationship with someone who, has some significant issues and you're trapped. And all she does is invalidate you. And you're like, funny how I really don't feel like God's gift to women right now. So it's oh, so like, no, from the outside, it could seem like I'm sitting here jacking myself up and being like, oh, I got all these women I did.

00:40:37:20 - 00:41:05:02
Dennis
But it was because I learned how to in a way, I did like I did what girls do. Girls are like, oh, I know it. I know guys like, you know, happy birthday present or whatever. And I did the male version of that. I'm like, hey, I'm the guy who listens. So, you know, you know, don't you wish your boyfriend was considerate like me?

00:41:05:04 - 00:41:07:05
Dennis
Don't care.

00:41:07:07 - 00:41:34:00
Andrew
But I feel like as long as you can get that, you take that too far where you're like, friend, zone yourself, right? Where it's like, there's this, you know, the nice days where it's like, okay, they hear that? Look, I do that all the time. I listen all the time, and I'm like, the shoulder to cry on, but, you know, but I mean, I mean, I digress a bit because I think, you know, the guys that listen to this, this podcast, yeah, they're married, are in relationships.

00:41:34:00 - 00:42:00:16
Andrew
Right. So honing in on like, okay, well where we started, right. It's it's Valentine's Day, it's anniversary, it's whatever. You know how how can we I don't know, maybe kind of done a crash course already, but is there anything that we've missed in this crash course and I love.

00:42:00:18 - 00:42:29:05
Dennis
Crash course on love. Okay, let's just break down what love is. Love is service. Love is service. You love your dog. Sure you do. You, you. You're certain that you love your dog when you are shampooing shit out of your carpet? You. That is when you know I really love my dog. Because I would not do this for just anybody.

00:42:29:07 - 00:42:52:07
Dennis
You know you love your kid when they're picking on you and you're like holding their hair and going, it's okay, it's okay. You're going to feel better. It's okay. Right? It's okay. You're all right. All right, there we go. Yeah, right. My shirt pocket. Oh, look at that piece of macaroni being okay. Yeah. Love. Yeah.

00:42:52:09 - 00:42:54:10
Andrew
Over the issue on the carpet.

00:42:54:12 - 00:43:11:05
Dennis
Right. Oh, are they shit on your carpet? Right. I'm an autism. They're just me. In my world, anything goes. Freakishly creative bunch. But but so so so so I know for me.

00:43:11:07 - 00:43:13:21
Andrew
He created.

00:43:13:23 - 00:43:37:16
Dennis
I'm just saying I'm an autism dad, dude. All right, I'm in there. I'm in a bit of, like, in a group of men who are, like, every day shared pictures, like. So this happened to my truck today, and it's like, just poop. Just wiped all over the freaking inside of the truck for no reason other than their kid just was feeling creative.

00:43:37:16 - 00:44:23:16
Dennis
It happened to decide to reach down their pants and start doing stuff. So my point is, oh, you want to talk about love? Okay, here's love. Love is service and you are never in service to your partner more than when you are giving them the space to be themselves, even when it isn't convenient. Or should I say, especially when it's inconvenient, when she hates her job and needs somebody to talk to, to, and you drop everything and go, hey, I, I actually had I was about to go out to the garage and, you know, get my Jeep ready for the trip that I'm taking tomorrow, but I could just put the kibosh on that if

00:44:23:16 - 00:44:37:01
Dennis
you want to talk. No, no no no. Go. Do you think. No, I'm saying come on. I got you. What's up? You want to sit down you and talk? Well, I mean, yeah, kind of. Okay. I'm here for you. Do you want to? What do we got? Do you want to have a snack or something while we're talking like kids?

00:44:37:02 - 00:44:52:16
Dennis
Okay, so I can walk in here. Would we have any munchies? You know, you got anything, kiddo? You know, like, just making a tea. Make it a date, make everything a day. Make your whole life a day.

00:44:52:18 - 00:45:23:14
Dennis
You're asking me about the dancing right here. Here's the thing. I've seen guys. And you've seen this, too. I've seen guys in dance class. They're like, put right foot here, put left foot here, put arm here. And in the meantime, they're they're like robot dancers and they're missing the whole thing. You know, unless you guys are trying to win a salsa dancing competition, I guarantee in the dark she'd rather just be sitting there body rocking with you in the in the in the dim light.

00:45:23:16 - 00:45:59:11
Dennis
Just breathe in with you. Women are vibing, man. Women are invited. They hear stuff like this and think, yes, that I want that. I want to share space with my partner. I want him not thinking about work. I want him not thinking about Bitcoin or Bitcoin. I want him not thinking about is are we going to have sex or am I just going to sit here listening all this yang for nothing?

00:45:59:13 - 00:46:45:11
Dennis
You know, I want him really looking in my eyes when I'm talking to him, and to have the same feeling I would have with, like, a girlfriend or a gay friend who was, like, locked on every word going, oh, wow. And then what did she say? Hey. Oh, because this really matters to me right now. I want a guy who will sit there and watch frickin, you know, Love Island or, you know, White Lotus or some dumb chick show with me and be able to laugh and just sprawl out on the couch with, like, a blanket over us.

00:46:45:11 - 00:47:08:09
Dennis
And, you know, maybe his hand rub in my neck a little bit or something, like, I want to snuggle up with my guy and feel close to him and laugh and feel like we're sharing space. And as it did when you say stuff like this, guys are like, what kind of fucking man up is this? You're supposed to be bending her over and fucking plowing or stupid from the back so she knows you're alpha.

00:47:08:11 - 00:47:11:15
Dennis
And it's like, nah bro, you do that later.

00:47:11:18 - 00:47:15:13
Andrew
So do you ever. She feels safe.

00:47:15:15 - 00:47:22:21
Dennis
In the pen dose of this thing. It's like you got the right idea, but your order of operations is kind of,

00:47:22:23 - 00:47:29:11
Andrew
Right after you get the safety thing, then you can throw around a little bit, you know? Until then, she's.

00:47:29:13 - 00:47:41:11
Dennis
She's biologically designed to be a horndog. Says they she could capture your seed and reproduce.

00:47:41:13 - 00:47:52:02
Dennis
So I'm I kid, but I don't kid. She. The thing that guys don't understand is women are more sexual than men.

00:47:52:04 - 00:48:17:18
Dennis
Women are more sexual than men. And if men would stop being predatory, they would have more sex and better sex. If they would just let women be allowed to be women to the point where they're like, I've decided I am going to absolutely put it on this person, on this guy. And then if she does, then that's where you can.

00:48:17:18 - 00:48:53:15
Dennis
Okay, now you could tell me all about how outfit your does your dick work. Can you keep it up. You know like because that's what do you know how to do other stuff. Are you one one trick pony. So but she she wants you to love her so tomorrow morning, I am going to take my little son, who is, you know, probably not going to want to get in the car with me.

00:48:53:17 - 00:49:11:07
Dennis
And I'm going to force him to get in the car with me, and we're going to go and we're going to drive, and we're going to get flowers and candy for mommy for Valentine's Day. And he's going to do it because I said so. But somewhere that's one person in my life that's good to listen when I talk, goddamn it.

00:49:11:09 - 00:49:35:20
Dennis
But no, but he is going to learn from his daddy. It's Valentine's Day, and we're taking a really nice trip. We're going to listen to nice music. He likes riding in the car. I'm going to put the wind down. We're going to have the sun, you know? You know, shinin on us and the breeze coming through. He's going to be all excited to come home and give mommy her card and her flowers and her candy.

00:49:35:20 - 00:50:01:03
Dennis
And for her, it won't just be that she got. Here's your stupid like I ordered this off of Amazon here. Check check check. They're done. It'll be that my son and I went and made a cute little day of going, let's get Valentine's Day stuff for mommy, and then came home and really felt joy giving it to her.

00:50:01:05 - 00:50:34:18
Dennis
Really, really wanted to see the smile on her face, but genuinely, we're like, waiting like this make you happy. Because when you're happy, I'm happy. But like, in a good way. Not like you're, you know, when I buy you flowers, you're less of a bitch. But I'm actually like a dad. You have three daughters. Like a dad who's genuinely lit up by making a girl smile and feel good.

00:50:34:20 - 00:50:45:13
Dennis
That's what these students are missing, bro. I'm telling you, that's what they're missing. And want to know why. For extra credit, I'll drop this in.

00:50:45:15 - 00:51:16:20
Dennis
They're bitter. And they're bitter because they don't feel validated. They're constantly judging themselves for not being performative enough. They're constantly feeling like she thinks that she's less than because of all of the things that she complains about. And if she could just sack up and you're like, you know what? You're painting ass, but you're my pain in the ass, I love you.

00:51:17:00 - 00:51:39:05
Dennis
Here's flowers, here's candy, here's that freaking purse. I heard you talking about that. You wanted. I got a big bonus this year, and so don't I? Hopefully, hopefully this isn't setting a precedent. But I knew you wanted it. I had some extra money here. And why not? Hopefully you have something to wear with that. Because we're going out tonight and here's where we're going.

00:51:39:05 - 00:51:48:04
Dennis
I already made reservations, dude. It's hot. That's what women want.

00:51:48:06 - 00:51:50:08
Andrew
Yeah, and that's leadership, right?

00:51:50:10 - 00:51:52:15
Dennis
Isn't it?

00:51:52:17 - 00:52:31:00
Dennis
But you're leading with love. Not with, like. Like it's not right. It's not like I'm leading her around a choke collar like Jabba the Hutt and freaking Princess Leia. You. Oh, like, that's a different kind of leadership. Like, it's. It's it's almost like curling that stupid Olympics, but. Oh, look how topical I am. It's Winter Olympics. It's kind of like curling, where, you know, the guy sitting there going and drinking, buffing the ice so that she just has a more frictionless glide?

00:52:31:02 - 00:52:39:22
Dennis
That's what it's like. That's leadership for men. That's leadership. You feel me on that?

00:52:39:24 - 00:52:49:18
Andrew
No, ma'am, I will come. Coming to the end of the episode here. What didn't we talk about? That needs to be said in the last couple minutes here.

00:52:49:20 - 00:53:31:05
Dennis
Wow. This is usually where I say something completely off color. Get in trouble. So, I'm not. No, for the low hanging fruit. And I'm gonna say, let's just sum up, what we learned here today is I banged a lot of girls in college. And that's the note I want to leave you. I'm happy Valentine's day, but no, no, no, no, listen, whether you're somebody who has a lot of experience dating, or very little experience dating, whether you're somebody who's in a new relationship or you're somebody who is in a really long term relationship.

00:53:31:09 - 00:54:08:02
Dennis
And I am here to tell you that if you have a woman in your life, there is nothing she would like more from you then for you to stand in your masculinity so that she can be a woman. But standing in your masculinity means understanding the difference between healthy masculinity and unhealthy masculinity. A really, really, really healthy man is so masculine that he likes women because they're different.

00:54:08:04 - 00:54:42:16
Dennis
Like, I like women, I like the way they look. I like the way they smell. I like the way they ramble incessantly. Oh. The the the the they're talkers. They're thinkers. They're worriers. They're they're weird and they're beautiful and they compliment us. And if that's the vibe that you come into your dynamic with your woman, with that you look at her like you weird, interesting, complimentary creature who I share my life with.

00:54:42:18 - 00:55:10:24
Dennis
I don't understand you, but I love you. And I really want us to spend quality time together and there may or may not be gifts. We might go to a restaurant that has great reviews and absolutely sucks. We might get a flat tire on the way. We might hear a song that makes you depressed and you're quiet the whole trip.

00:55:10:24 - 00:55:37:21
Dennis
And I have no idea what's going on. But no, man, no matter what the hell happens, I'm here with you. It's a safe space. You can do no wrong. I love you if you, as a dude can present that energy to your partner. You're doing the right thing, buddy. That's what love is.

00:55:37:23 - 00:56:05:13
Andrew
On that note, mic drop moment there, gentlemen, the I love this episode. All we ask is just give us a review on your favorite podcast player, follow us on social media, give us some validation to all the hard work he's putting in. And, the truth bombs he's laying for you. For you out there. Any, final words to send to the men before we sign off here?

00:56:05:13 - 00:56:06:10
Andrew
Denis?

00:56:06:12 - 00:56:45:00
Dennis
Yeah. Hey, dude, have fun out there. Real talk. I've joked a lot this session. You know, tap danced, carefully, around the, some some some jokey locker room subjects. But in reality, if you're boyfriend, if you're a husband, if you're a father, I want you to enjoy, a love relationship with your partner. And that sometimes can involve letting your guard down and giving from a place that's really vulnerable.

00:56:45:02 - 00:57:13:23
Dennis
And I'm asking you to trust me that those efforts will not go unnoticed, and they will not go unrewarded. So have a happy, Presidents Day weekend. And good luck with your Valentine's Day. And, if you're picking up what we're putting down, like Andrew said, like, follow, subscribe. And, come, come be a part of our culture.

00:57:13:23 - 00:57:16:09
Dennis
Because chances are, if you've gotten through this, you're one of us.