Ep 11: Overcoming Fear in 2026: Risk Creates Change, Change Creates Opportunity

You've got big plans for 2026. But there's something stopping you. You call it overthinking, analysis paralysis, being strategic. But it's fear. And you won't admit it because real men don't get scared, right?

Wrong.

In this first episode of 2026, Dennis Procopio (The Bro Coach®) and Andrew Bontz tackle the thing that keeps high-achieving men stuck: fear. Not the kind that stops you from getting mauled by a bear. The kind that stops you from having the hard conversation at work, starting the business, or changing anything about your life because it feels safer to stay gridlocked.

Dennis breaks down the difference between brave and stupid, why fear doesn't make you weak, and how taking calculated risks creates the change that leads to opportunity. This isn't about being fearless. It's about understanding when fear is protecting you and when it's imprisoning you.

TIMESTAMPS 0:00 - Intro: Overcoming Fear in 2026 1:20 - What Fear Actually Is (And Why It Matters) 3:17 - Malcolm Gladwell's Blink: Pre-Conscious Danger Signals 4:34 - When Fear Protects You vs. When It Lies to You 5:27 - The Difference Between Brave and Just Being a Moron 6:16 - Parkour, Risk, and Calculated Danger 8:01 - Dennis's Jeep Story: Calculated Risks and Thrill Seeking 8:57 - The Hunting Outfitter Who Was Terrified of Public Speaking 11:28 - Analysis Paralysis and the Smart Guy Problem 20:45 - Why You're Stuck in Your Comfort Zone 28:30 - The Fear of Being Judged vs. Physical Danger 35:12 - Taking Action Despite Fear 42:15 - Social Media Doom Scrolling and Self-Discipline 46:24 - The Push Scroll App: Trading Screen Time for Push-Ups 49:54 - Change Creates Opportunity, Risk Creates Change 51:23 - Small Risks: Pattern Interrupts That Create Change 52:46 - Don't Become a Caricature of Yourself

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Fear is a danger signal, not weakness
• The difference between calculated risk and being reckless
• Why smart guys suffer from analysis paralysis
• The hunting outfitter story: terrified of communication, not grizzly bears
• When fear is protecting you vs. when it's lying to you
• How risk creates change and change creates opportunity
• Small pattern interrupts that break you out of gridlock
• Why you don't need to swim with sharks to take meaningful risks
• Simple changes: different route to work, wake up earlier, quit coffee for a day
• Don't become a caricature of yourself by making the same choices forever

WATCH THIS IF YOU

• Your New Year's resolutions already failed
• You're stuck in analysis paralysis and can't pull the trigger
• Fear is keeping you from having hard conversations
• You're gridlocked making the same safe choices every day
• You overthink everything and never take action
• You think fear means you're weak
• You want to understand when to listen to fear and when to push through
• You're ready to take calculated risks but don't know where to start

FREE STRATEGY SESSION Ready to break out of gridlock and optimize your life? Schedule your complimentary 30-minute strategy session: 👉 https://www.manuplifecoaching.com/application

CONNECT WITH US 🌐 Website: https://brocoach.com 📸 Instagram: https://instagram.com/manuplifecoaching 🎵 TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@manuplifecoaching

ABOUT THE BRO COACH® PODCAST Not red-pill. Not therapy. Just the evolved man's blueprint for strength, presence, and purpose. Hosted by Dennis Procopio, founder of Man-UP! Life Coaching. 25,000+ hours coaching high-achieving men who succeed professionally but struggle with relationships, meaning, and fulfillment.

TAKE ACTION Free 30-minute strategy session: https://www.manuplifecoaching.com/application

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ABOUT THE SHOW The Bro Coach® Podcast with Dennis Procopio. Not red-pill garbage. Not therapy. Real coaching for guys who achieved success but missed the point. Dennis has 25,000+ hours working with high-earning men ($150K to $3M+) who look successful but feel stuck.

Transcript

00:00:02:13 - 00:00:11:18
Andrew
Welcome to episode 11 of the Bro Coach Podcast, our first episode of 2026. Dennis, so happy to be here with you, man.

00:00:11:20 - 00:00:16:05
Dennis
And I'm happy to be here as well. Andrew.

00:00:16:07 - 00:00:43:07
Andrew
So I wanted to kick off 2026 with a pretty broad topic, but it's been a topic that has been on my mind all day and how I'm curious how you work with men as they start navigating. One of the key things that I think keep men from doing great things, and it's fear. I remember a story you told me about a client that you're working with where he was navigating a hard conversation at work.

00:00:43:12 - 00:00:54:13
Andrew
And there's those voices in our head where we get stuck because, you know, we don't necessarily call it fear because it's, you know, that's what pussy's do. But.

00:00:54:15 - 00:00:56:02
Dennis
Yeah. Right.

00:00:56:04 - 00:01:20:17
Andrew
How how as a coach and, you know, obviously, you know, you work with 40 guys a week or more, on a 1 to 1 basis with your approach as navigating guys right now or whether they want to do big things that maybe just failed their New Year's resolution and it's probably because of fear.

00:01:20:18 - 00:01:51:15
Dennis
Fear is a giant topic, dude. I don't know how to answer it without immediately going down the like woowoo rabbit hole that I seem to always end up down when we start off high level like this. But I guess I'll go there because, you know, I don't want to underestimate the, collective, intellect of our audience.

00:01:51:17 - 00:02:34:22
Dennis
Fear. What is fear? I think at a base level, fear is a message that says you're in danger. Right. And so if you're a bottom sized and you don't have fear, then you're just an imbecile who's just you know, stepping off the ledge into the abyss and like lemmings, you know, and dying or getting hurt or experiencing suffering of some kind because you lacked foresight.

00:02:35:00 - 00:03:17:22
Dennis
So when that amygdala starts to kick in and say, yo, Jack, I'm not sure that's a great idea. You listen. In fact, anybody who knows me knows that I love quoting Malcolm Gladwell's, now iconic book blink, in which he talks about how we have these split second reactions to stimulus that are, I guess I'd arguably say pre conscious.

00:03:17:22 - 00:03:48:06
Dennis
I was going to say precognitive, but that's not exactly right. They're pre conscious. They're subconscious. So you've experienced this. You're crossing a street and something says back up and you do. And you avoid getting hit by a bus. And then your conscious mind catches up and you're in shock because something inside of you grabbed you by the nape of your neck and pulled you back right.

00:03:48:07 - 00:04:34:10
Dennis
So the problem becomes, when that signal is accurately indicating that something is a threat, or when that signal is warning you of a non threat. Here's an example. I always see these reels where you see people like crawling across some glass bridge that's up really, really high. And it's like would you walk across this bridge? Now they know that structurally the architecture is sound, but there's still some part of the brain that says, I am not wired to be comfortable with this.

00:04:34:12 - 00:05:27:02
Dennis
You now. And so the what we have to do in those situations is we have to wait list that event and say, I know that this seems like it's going to kill me, but it turns out this is okay. So I do not subscribe to the idea that fear means you're a pussy. In, you know, standard male lexicon, you know, I do think, however, that the difference between being brave and just being a lobotomized moron is recognizing that there is potential risk.

00:05:27:04 - 00:05:45:04
Dennis
Calculating the risk. Deciding if it's worth the risk. Getting the skill set up necessary to get to the other side of whatever that challenge is, and then either doing it or not. Does that hit for you?

00:05:45:06 - 00:05:47:11
Andrew
Yeah, I'd love to hear some examples.

00:05:47:13 - 00:06:16:19
Dennis
Okay. Right away. So I'm going to start with a really simple example. I'm going to start with an example where there is no obvious. No no no. Let me go the other way. Let's talk about these guys who do parkour right. There is a point at which these dudes who do parkour start taking it further and further, where the risk is a broken wrist.

00:06:16:21 - 00:06:53:00
Dennis
And then, you know, they up the challenge because they're trying to make content or they're looking for that rash and the risk is, bad. Let's just say it's the risk is fatality. And it's one of those things where if you really, really train yourself to think about the goal and not the what ifs, in theory, you should be able to do that thing.

00:06:53:02 - 00:07:28:00
Dennis
In theory, you can jump three feet. Hold on. My my, my iPhone. Every time I use the word theory, she thinks I'm going into Mike Tyson mode. And my phone activates. True story. Anyway, I digress. So? So an example of a guy overriding his fear in a place where his fear is absolutely warranted would be a guy.

00:07:28:01 - 00:08:01:14
Dennis
Well, okay, I have a Jeep. I like to go off roading. I push it. I push it. I have had moments where I am at a tipping point in my Jeep, and the only difference between me rolling, off the mountain or not, is a combination of skill and luck. So why do that? Because I am admittedly something of a thrill seeker, and I take, calculated risks.

00:08:01:20 - 00:08:27:20
Dennis
What is the result of doing that? It gives you the rush that says, I think you might be able to do more than you imagine you're capable of. What is the downside? The downside is you might pull the pull the whip card out of the deck, and now you have to deal with that. But let's take a different thing.

00:08:27:22 - 00:08:57:11
Dennis
I had a client. This is going a while back. You know, I've been doing this for a long time. I had a client back in na. I want to say like 2014, 2015, and this dude's jam was that he is a, an outfitter, a hunting outfitter. So he gets guys together who know how to hunt, and they want to go on, Canadian safari, and they want to come back with a bearskin rug.

00:08:57:11 - 00:09:29:22
Dennis
A big pair of moose antlers fill up their freezer, a lynx that they can taxidermy, a wolf, whatever. And so when I first met this guy, he was probably the most hardcore, like, man, man, you know, with his his beard and his little cap and his guns and his like, he's like, he's the dude literally took his screams out so that he could shoot squirrels from his couch without having to go outside.

00:09:30:00 - 00:10:04:00
Dennis
Like, this is the lifestyle this guy was living in our first session. He couldn't have sat further from the screen or been buried deeper under his hat visor or into his beard, and I was like, you shit, bro. And he's like, yeah, I'm terribly shy. And I was like, really? You just got done telling me a story about getting out of your car and literally grabbing a handful of gravel and throwing it as a at a grizzly bear so it would get out of the road.

00:10:04:02 - 00:10:20:19
Dennis
And it's kind of a choose the bear situation. He's like, yeah, I'm not scared of bears, but I have I have a phobia of public speaking and I don't like to share. I was like an alpha dude like you. He's like, I'm not an alpha. Don't call me an alpha. I'm like, you're not an alpha. You're just a pretty alpha.

00:10:20:19 - 00:10:58:00
Dennis
Shit. He's like, I'm not an alpha. I don't want to be an alpha. I'm like, wow. And that was the. And that was like one of the first times I ever interacted with a guy who did the most scary, manly shit, like on the planet, but had a white knuckled, heart racing fear of communicating with other people. And and in that situation, what is the amygdala telling him is going to happen?

00:10:58:02 - 00:11:04:22
Dennis
Where's the threat? You see what I mean. So it's situational. Does that make sense?

00:11:05:00 - 00:11:28:17
Andrew
Makes total sense. You know, because it's funny where I think I mean, one of the things in common I know with a lot of the clients that you have is they're super smart guys, right? They're great at analysis. The great at, you know, knowledge in technical stuff. But I'm sure if there's, you know, there's always that little weird fear towards you.

00:11:28:19 - 00:11:48:15
Andrew
Say it out loud, it's almost a little embarrassing. Or it's like, well, yeah, that, you know, like the fear of spiders or fear of going up and like for me, like, you know, when I was single, the going up and approaching a woman, you know, to the, to see if you can get a date with her. Right. Like my whole life.

00:11:48:17 - 00:12:03:17
Andrew
And it's just even saying it out loud is like, oh, that's kind of embarrassing. But, you know, and it's all in your head. It's like, it's not it's not something that you're. Are you going to die? No, no. You know you're not going to die. Right, right.

00:12:03:18 - 00:12:47:05
Dennis
Right right right. So back to the question of like you, you you started out by saying, hey, I need to have a conversation with my boss, right? If I remember correctly, the situation in in question was a guy who sort of felt sidelined after eight years in a strong executive position, and his jam was that for his intelligence and his super bright guy, and his creativity.

00:12:47:05 - 00:13:17:13
Dennis
He he's a really creative guy. And you don't you don't find that, like, he's he's he's he's a rare breed, unique guy. If I play my cards right, he's going to be coaching for me. But anyway, anyway, so this guy. Yeah, this guy came in the session and said, you know, I feel that I have sort of been as squeaky of a wheel as I could be without being a whiner.

00:13:17:15 - 00:13:40:22
Dennis
And I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I don't seem to be communicating the urgency of wanting to take on, more. I feel like I'm a Lamborghini making grocery runs, and I don't feel like I'm really operating according to my full potential. I feel like it does me a disservice because I'm kind of bored at my job.

00:13:41:03 - 00:14:00:01
Dennis
I feel like it does my team a disservice because they're looking to me for guidance, but I can't operate outside of my, you know, scope. And I feel like I do the company a disservice because, you know, they're paying me quite a bit. You'd think they'd want to get more out of me. How do I approach this conversation?

00:14:00:06 - 00:14:19:17
Dennis
And I said, I feel like what you just did there was pretty good. Why don't you say that? You know, that's usually that's usually the best way to do it. And he's like, well, I just kind of feel like if I come in that way, that could be, you know, corporate is a weird world. You know, once you've said it, you can unsay it.

00:14:19:17 - 00:14:55:21
Dennis
So you have to really be careful what you say. And I said, what's the worst that could happen? Yeah, man, I don't know. I mean, I've since day one, I've told you that I'm really concerned about a job security and I don't want to rock the boat. I make a lot of money like it's easier for me to play the conservative, card than to signal that I might be, you know, dissatisfied in some way.

00:14:55:23 - 00:15:14:05
Dennis
And next thing you know, people start change and stuff, and I'm out of a job, and I wish I would have just shut the hell up. So this is less about strategy for having those conversations and more about the fear itself.

00:15:14:07 - 00:15:55:21
Dennis
What I said to him was, do you truly believe that you deserve what you're asking for? And he said, for the most part, I do. I mean, of course, there's the side of me that says, what if I fail? Boom! That's the difference between letting fear guide you or faith guide you. Because what guys tend to want is they want to walk into the job interview knowing they already have the job.

00:15:55:23 - 00:16:24:14
Dennis
They want to show up to the date, knowing that she's already like down to getting a ride. That's that's big. You know, guys, guys, they they want to have put so many reps in that when they throw that football, they know it's going to hit its target, right? That there's a 0% chance that they're going to get a pick six or whatever.

00:16:24:16 - 00:17:13:18
Dennis
You know. And it's the fear of failure that really keeps guys from trying. So if we want to shift gears a little bit here, I can roll back to one of the most foundational, codes built in to my organization. Man, a life coaching, build into our, ethos, which is and, you know, as the bro coach, which is what this podcast is, I earned the name the bro coach because my approach to coaching men was less therapy and more, hey, I'm in the trenches with you.

00:17:13:20 - 00:17:49:13
Dennis
So if I haven't done it, I don't coach it, you know? So and that usually gives people faith, right? So. The ethos is, is, held together by some key like some, some keystones. There's some pillars that hold it together. And one of them is the failure versus success scripts. Now, a part of my brain said, man, you might have already mentioned this in another podcast.

00:17:49:13 - 00:18:17:12
Dennis
And another part of my brain said, I've been doing this for 13 years now, and nobody remembers this shit anyway, so I'm just going to run it back. Usually guys, here's this, here's the failure script. You start out, feeling that your value is associated with performance. And so it's provide, protect, perform because you don't feel that you're measuring up.

00:18:17:14 - 00:18:38:09
Dennis
You get pissed off at yourself because you don't feel like you're living up to your expectations. So that leads to rage. And you either send that rage and you're an a toxic asshole, and you get all the consequences for being a toxic asshole. Or you have nice guy syndrome and you just swallow it. This is fine, this is fine.

00:18:38:10 - 00:19:11:04
Dennis
This is fine. If you do the second thing, what happens is that, you start to be lethargic and depressed. You start to burnout. You don't feel good about yourself. And so it starts to affect your confidence. You experience low confidence. Low confidence leads, to risk avoidance. You just don't take risks by avoiding risks. You start to believe it's.

00:19:11:04 - 00:19:40:10
Dennis
What I always say is won't, becomes can't. If you won't do something for long enough, you really, truly believe that you can't do it. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. And so the risk avoidance leads to stagnation. That's why the term stuck is such an important Google keyword for life coaching for men, because guys feel stuck and that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

00:19:40:11 - 00:20:00:18
Dennis
You've failed. You're stuck. You're in a frickin infinite feedback loop of I went to buddy, can't. I went to buddy can't, right? So then if we go over to the failure script, the failure script is literally the exact opposite. Excuse me? The success script rather is the exact opposite of the failure script, where you were judging yourself and others.

00:20:00:18 - 00:20:25:12
Dennis
Now you're validating yourself and others. Okay, validation literally means getting your validation from the right sources, rather than using dopamine to prop you up. So you see guys, and I say this all the freaking time, and no matter how many times I say it, some listeners are going to hear this and it's going to be a revelation for them.

00:20:25:12 - 00:20:56:06
Dennis
And they're going to go, I need to work with this guy, and it'll probably be somebody who's already worked with me, and they're going to be like, I never heard that before. Yes, you can have bro. If you're Doomscrolling if you're doomscrolling, it's because you're looking for validation. If you're looking for porn, like if you're edging out there, you know, on Instagram, looking at button side boob, you know, you're that's, you know, you're looking for validation.

00:20:56:06 - 00:21:29:18
Dennis
If you're if you're scrolling through comments to see what somebody said, you're going to jump on board with whichever team says, this dude gets it, you're looking for validation and wrong place to look for validation. Alcohol. Weed gambling. Look at how freaking gambling has become such a ginormous moneymaker these days, right? Like, all of a sudden, sports betting is is crazytown, right?

00:21:29:22 - 00:22:05:08
Dennis
Because people are looking for that dopamine. They're looking for that rush. So validation is, you know, the one thing men mid-tower men going their own way has, right, in my opinion, is removing yourself from women as a source of validation. What I call big titty in the sky syndrome. You're looking for the big tree in the sky, and I'm like, I'm like, mommy, so that you can feel better about yourself.

00:22:05:08 - 00:22:33:08
Dennis
A woman does not want to be your goddamn emotional wet nurse. And if she does, you're in for some codependency, I promise you. Because you're looking for a mommy. She's looking for a daddy. And what ensues is the stuff that reality TV is made of. Real shit. So? So one. I'm not saying women suck. You know, men are cool.

00:22:33:08 - 00:22:59:15
Dennis
I'm saying remove yourself. Put yourself on a freaking, moratorium for a minute, get your shit right and get your sense of value, not your sense of value. Yeah, that's right. Work on your self-worth rather than your self-esteem. Work on your self-worth. Your self-worth is just your unconditional love for yourself. How do you do that? Validate your damn self.

00:22:59:16 - 00:23:15:20
Dennis
Look in the mirror and say, you're the man, but I don't believe it. Tough shit. Say it anyway. You're the man. You're the man, you're the man, you're the man, you're the man. You're cool, you're cool, you're cool, you're cool, you're cool. You got this. Validate your bro. Hey, Andrew. You're an awesome guy. Thanks, Dennis. Are you. Thanks, bro.

00:23:15:22 - 00:23:40:19
Dennis
Validate your brother. Validate yourself. Validate, validate, validate. Get away from people who are toxic and who try to cut you down. What happens when you validate it leads to motivation. Weirdly, you're up at 8 a.m. or 6 a.m. or whenever you're, you know, cock a doodle dudes, and you start doing stuff that's good for you, like exercise is like taking a bath, like flossing your damn teeth.

00:23:40:19 - 00:24:19:22
Dennis
Whatever you start being motivated to do things that are healthy. Motivation leads to confidence. And now you feel good about yourself without having to panhandle for other people's validation or for dopamine. Confidence leads to here. We are risk taking. Now, what is the number one barrier to risk taking fear? Okay. Risk taking leads to change. And we're scared to change.

00:24:20:00 - 00:24:54:16
Dennis
Even when we know our current situation is fucked, we're still happier with the devil that we know because it's familiar, right? But risk taking leads to change, and change creates. And that's a critical word, creates opportunity. You show me somebody who's successful, I will show you someone who went through this very specific process to create opportunity. They took the risks that created the change.

00:24:54:18 - 00:25:24:16
Dennis
They got the confidence because they believed in themselves and they validated themselves. Now let's let's get to the fear piece fear versus faith. Well, I don't know. For the comic fans out there who know The Killing joke, there's this, moment between Batman and the Joker where they recognize that they're both kind of nuts, and that's what sort of binds them.

00:25:24:16 - 00:25:52:09
Dennis
They're both outliers. They're not normal. And the joke at the end of the comic is, you know, the the the guys escaping an insane asylum. And the one guy says, how are we going to escape? He says, well, I'm going to turn on this flashlight and you can walk across the beam. And then I'll walk across the beam to and then we'll be free.

00:25:52:09 - 00:26:21:03
Dennis
And the first guy says, nah, I don't trust you, man. How do I know that when I'm halfway across, you won't turn off the flashlight and make me fall to my death? So if you're in a situation where it's faith over fear, I do not suggest that you have faith in the impossible. Walking on a beam of light is impossible, at least in our current physics scenario.

00:26:21:05 - 00:26:40:22
Dennis
But walking across a tightrope isn't. Walking a slack line isn't. How do you get the confidence to take the risk? You take the risk first.

00:26:41:00 - 00:26:59:07
Dennis
That's it. So what is the trick to having faith over fear? I don't even need you to say what you have faith in. I have some guys that will say a lot. I have other guys that will say Hashem. I have some guys that will say, oh God, are some guys that will say, Jesus Christ, I have some guys that'll say physics.

00:26:59:07 - 00:27:27:19
Dennis
I have some guys that'll say some druid shit. I have some guys that'll save the Flying Spaghetti Monster. But the reality is, if you have faith that transcends your fear and you take a calculated risk and you step out on that faith, anything that you learn from that is going to only make your next time better. Does that make sense?

00:27:27:19 - 00:27:34:02
Dennis
That was a bit of a Ted talk, but does that makes that reference what I do for a living? That makes sense?

00:27:34:04 - 00:27:38:01
Andrew
You are a bit of a monologue guest at times, you know, but well.

00:27:38:03 - 00:27:47:17
Dennis
It's what I gotta do, man. These people bring me here the truth or in this case, not being. But what are your thoughts on that?

00:27:47:19 - 00:28:13:10
Andrew
I mean, the, the, the reps part makes a lot of sense too. It's like you just have to do it. And I think the one part where, I mean, at least for me, at least the benefit of having a coach towards I sometimes need to borrow someone else's faith. If your faith is so low, right? Like, or if you're just kind of in an area that's new to you or you're like, I've never been there, but this guy has.

00:28:13:12 - 00:28:33:14
Andrew
So it's kind of like paying for this shortcut a bit, right? When it comes to like risk taking and risk, it's like, yeah, I've been there. You haven't been there before, but I've been there and just trust me do this right. Okay. Man scares the shit out of me. But you you've done it. That's what I'm paying you for for.

00:28:33:18 - 00:28:52:02
Andrew
So that's one of the reasons why I'm here. And having that moment of like okay, well I don't have it, so I'm gonna borrow your faith. And I think some people, you know, they have that to their spiritual life and that kind of start where it's like, well, it might be, you know, their faith and their confidence.

00:28:52:02 - 00:29:12:18
Andrew
They're kind of borrowing it, right? But it the thing that I think is really important is the action part to it's like, we just gotta do it. Like you just got to be able to take that step and invest that rep and, you know, take that step on that slack line or tightrope tightrope or whatnot.

00:29:12:20 - 00:29:50:04
Dennis
Yeah. So here's the one thing that is the companion to that first piece that I just said. The first piece that I just said was validate yourself, which will give you the motivation to just start getting things in motion, like don't let perfect be the enemy of the good, just start doing stuff. Your confidence will go up when you stop seeking, dopamine from external sources and you really just lock in.

00:29:50:06 - 00:30:21:18
Dennis
You will go from risk aversion to a willingness to take risks, and that will lead to risk seeking. But now there's this other thing, which is. And I hear this a lot. This is where men have a tendency to put themselves in two different camps. That guy's an alpha stud, and I am a beta bitch.

00:30:21:23 - 00:30:55:14
Dennis
You hear this all the time? Like, I have guys who will literally tell me that they're a pussy, and I'm like, wow, talk about arguing for your limitations. Like, nah, we got to change that language, man. You know, and so one of the examples that I've used historically in my coaching is my fear of rodents. Like, I'm trying to tell you, I was terrified of rodents.

00:30:55:14 - 00:31:02:01
Dennis
Dude. And.

00:31:02:03 - 00:31:40:23
Dennis
I don't know how to make it more clear how visceral this fear was, except to say that if I saw a rat and I know it has to do with my childhood, with my mom, with seeing her reaction to rodents, with the fact that I was raised inner cities. So our rats weren't just, you know, country rats. They like, carried knives and smoked cigarets, you know, so they were these Norway rats that really, with the intelligence of a five year old like that gang up on you and you, you're in trouble.

00:31:41:00 - 00:32:04:15
Dennis
And they knew that. You knew it was all thing. And so, yeah, I was terrified of rats. And at one point in my life, I decided that I needed to overcome this fear of rodents because it was messing with my meditation. I couldn't close my eyes without without imagining a rat climbing into my mouth or something like it was really wacky.

00:32:04:15 - 00:32:25:22
Dennis
How how badly this manifested. I didn't like sitting on the toilet because I was afraid a rat was going to come up through the pipes. I didn't, which happens, you know, I like I was afraid to go to sleep because anytime I felt something that felt like something moved in bed, I'm like, it's a rat.

00:32:25:22 - 00:32:50:02
Dennis
A rat coming to get. I did this nutty thing about rats. And so I was like, I got to get out of this trap. So I went to a pet store with a girl that didn't have a phobia of rats or rodents. And, she helped me for my first time to hold a rat. And, I'm trying.

00:32:50:05 - 00:33:16:07
Dennis
I'm here to tell you I almost fainted, man, like I really did. And I'm like, you know, I'm wearing the shirt right now as we're talking. That is man up life coaching the bro coach approach. And I'm here to tell you, I'm a big, strong, grown ass man. My hands turned numb and cold and I was absolutely terrified.

00:33:16:09 - 00:33:39:18
Dennis
There is no level of terror that a human can experience that was any worse than what I felt. Well, my act of bravery was I bought this rat, I bought all the accouterment, I brought this thing home, and eventually I developed a relationship with this thing. So it would run in and out of my shirt. It would sit on my head and we became buddies.

00:33:39:18 - 00:34:05:06
Dennis
And to this day, if I see a rat now, I have permanently rewired my phobia that fear isn't there anymore. What did I risk? I risk having a oh, whatever I imagined was going to happen. So so the question becomes, I have guys who will fight for their limitations, they will argue for their limitations. They'll say, you don't understand.

00:34:05:08 - 00:34:29:19
Dennis
I have a guy who has hyper hyperhidrosis. His hands sweat and he's like, you don't understand the anxiety that I have in the office of having to pick up paper, because it's going to get saturated and I'm going to have to hand it to somebody. You don't understand the anxiety I have at how hot my and wet and just funky my body becomes when I'm nervous.

00:34:29:21 - 00:34:59:11
Dennis
You don't understand. And so of course it's psychosomatic. The more he worries about it, the more of a self-fulfilling prophecy becomes. Well, we're working through it. Result? It is significantly less than it used to be. Is he cured? No, it's a process. But my point is a feeling is something that you feel. So if you feel a racing heart or any other terror, sit with that.

00:34:59:11 - 00:35:33:20
Dennis
It's appropriate. An emotion is something that you emote. So if terror isn't working for you, pick a different emotion. The one I always suggest is peace. Just be cool. Channel your inner Big Lebowski like I'm good, and watch your self-talk because your self-talk is going to try to justify why this is the wrong emotion to choose, and why you're in terrible danger, and why the suboptimal, emotion is the right one to choose.

00:35:33:22 - 00:36:13:18
Dennis
So when you can separate a physical feeling from an emotion which is not something you feel, it's something that you it's a verb. You emote. It's something that you choose and that you execute. And when you can recognize that the self-talk that you couple with, the emotion as a justification for why you're linking to the feeling is also either habitual, or it's designed to reinforce a an outdated or outmoded, outmoded habit.

00:36:13:19 - 00:36:38:09
Dennis
Then you can get in there and you can change it. And being able to change that is the beginning of your liberation from, crippling habits. And that is true self-mastery. Now, I kind of want to drop the mic on that. But it's my mic, and I paid a lot for it, so we're not going to do that.

00:36:38:09 - 00:36:42:07
Dennis
But do you hear what I'm saying?

00:36:42:09 - 00:37:00:23
Andrew
Yes, I definitely hear it. You're saying it, but I'm. I want to just again reiterate something or at least circle back to something you said earlier because many men are stuck in the, you know, the doomscrolling mode.

00:37:01:01 - 00:37:02:01
Dennis
Right.

00:37:02:03 - 00:37:06:11
Andrew
And and they may not even know.

00:37:06:12 - 00:37:42:16
Andrew
Why they're doing it. Right. Like they may not have made that connection to like, okay, well, hey, I'm doomscrolling because, you know, it feels good or because I'm bored, right? Like, but and maybe I'll play devil's advocate a little bit where it's like, okay, well, is really doomscrolling connected to fear. Like, I don't I see the connection, you know, obviously from the conversation that we've had, but I, I think it just warrants revisiting exploration.

00:37:42:16 - 00:37:43:01
Dennis
Okay.

00:37:43:01 - 00:37:51:19
Andrew
Yeah, for sure. Because I think that that is you went through it really fast. Right. Okay. Where I.

00:37:51:21 - 00:38:10:02
Andrew
Think it be worth, you know, going back there and be like, oh hey, at least this is a symptom right towards like there's so many people that are doomscrolling. Right. There's a reason why these algorithms sucky in for even the best of us for you know, you think it's five minutes and all of a sudden it's 45 and you're like, Holy shit.

00:38:10:02 - 00:38:20:14
Andrew
I, I just missed picking my kid up from school because I got stuck watching some booty shaking or some sports outtakes, you know.

00:38:20:16 - 00:38:25:02
Dennis
So.

00:38:25:04 - 00:39:03:14
Dennis
I recognized, let me tell you, my own experience with Doomscrolling. I have a very addictive personality. If I do anything, I'm all in on it. Which is why I have to be careful of habits. Like having an off road rig. Because depending on what I've chosen, it can be expensive, you know? But with Doomscrolling, it, what I see is there are certain personality types, and I find men really fall into this category.

00:39:03:16 - 00:39:32:10
Dennis
The average guy in my organization, or I'll go further than my organization. I'll just say the average guy who satisfies my demographic. Right? He's a dude who, let's say, gets up in the morning, and from the moment he's up, he's got stuff to do. Let's assume that either he has a job that doesn't let him dick around on his phone or his computer too much.

00:39:32:12 - 00:40:01:14
Dennis
Or he does. He may be somebody who, in the middle of his day, told himself, I'm going to work for seven hours straight. But then he took a little me break and he started scrolling. And the next thing you know, he just chunked an hour out of his times, and now he's going to have to work to 8:00 to catch up for that time, or he's going to shut down in his regular time, but he's going to feel guilty because he knows he wasn't as productive as he could have been.

00:40:01:16 - 00:40:22:00
Dennis
I have that client. I have lots of clients like that. More often than not, they're ADHD. But either way, I have that client, or there's the client who says, I'm going to just get through my workday. I'm going to do whatever it is that I do. Maybe he's a doctor or something. Maybe he's in an environment where it's not convenient for him to doom scroll.

00:40:22:00 - 00:40:58:04
Dennis
So he literally is restricted, but he gets home. Maybe he spent some time with girlfriend or wife. Maybe he spent some time with kid or kids, and then at some point it's me time. Everybody's asleep. He's got some me time. He's on the couch or wherever, and he says, oh, let me just snuggle in like a teenager, you know, with my snacks and my little blankie and the little in my little device, and let me go and let me do some things that make me happy, let me go visit all my friends.

00:40:58:04 - 00:41:27:23
Dennis
And he's got all of his little places that he likes to go. Well, now you know, these guys aren't getting paid three $400,000 a year. Is the software devs for nothing. That shit is engineered to figure out what gets your attention and holds your attention. So if a guy starts out just scrolling randomly, the algorithm is quickly going to land.

00:41:27:23 - 00:42:05:08
Dennis
Okay? He likes big butts and he can't lie. He likes freakin, you know, he seems to be interested in river monsters and any video that shows big, gnarly, deadly fish getting caught. Okay. He seems to like trucks with big tires going up a Rocky Mountains. He seems to like, you know, any video that some dude Alex for Mosier or Tom, Billy or whoever talking about?

00:42:05:13 - 00:42:40:02
Dennis
Here's how to make all the money. You know, here's here are the six, you know, tricks that Mr. Beast will never tell you, you know, or whatever. And the next thing you know, it's three in the morning, and he's like, damn it, damn it, damn it. So the. At first blush, the motivating, leading emotion doesn't seem to be fear.

00:42:40:04 - 00:43:05:22
Dennis
It seems to just be. I, this I'm going to just hunker down and play with my toys, and I'm going to cuddle up with my little, you know, my little super calculator that's connected to all the cool shit in the universe. The big cosmic digital library of Alexandria. How lucky am I? But, you know, the commodity these days is attention.

00:43:06:00 - 00:43:39:06
Dennis
These apps want your attention. And like any other drug, the more you lean into it, the more exhausted you are when you're done with it. Anybody who has doomscrolling habits knows what a frickin doomscrolling hangover feels like. So then we go back to asking, then why do you keep doing it when you finally know and accept? And to admit it is a bad habit?

00:43:39:07 - 00:44:27:21
Dennis
That's that's the that's that's where the rubber meets the road. Right there. And the answer is I need the dopamine. And the question is why do you need the dopamine? And the answer is because I lack confidence and validation. I don't feel that I'm living up to my full potential. And this is escapism. You cannot show me escapism without showing me either fear that you're aware of, or fear that you're hiding from, like a drawer full of unpaid fricking utility bills.

00:44:27:23 - 00:44:30:18
Dennis
Does that make sense?

00:44:30:20 - 00:44:51:02
Andrew
Yeah, it makes total sense. Like, what am I distracting myself from? And then, like, just taking that leap to ask that question, right. And having this prompt like, maybe we had, you know, 500 dudes just here that would like, oh, shit.

00:44:51:04 - 00:44:53:04
Dennis
Like, all right.

00:44:53:06 - 00:44:58:20
Andrew
You know, and all right. Right. Well.

00:44:58:22 - 00:45:32:20
Dennis
Which is what which is why I'm hoping that the guy listening to this is also taking a walk so that he's getting his stupid 10,000 steps in or whatever, you know what I'm saying? And I hope he's listening to this. And swinging the frickin 24 kg kettlebell. I hope he's listening to this and fricking sanding down, some frickin woodworking project that he's got going, right?

00:45:33:02 - 00:46:09:10
Dennis
I don't want him sitting here listening to this, looking at our stupid face. Good. While while he's thinking crap there, right? I get like, because now I'm your drug dealer. That's that's ironic, right? Because admittedly, I want your attention, too. But I want to be along with you for the ride as you're doing, doing, taking a chance. So hopefully as you're listening this, you're doing pull ups off a friggin flagpole 300ft in the air, with no safety net.

00:46:09:10 - 00:46:15:09
Dennis
No. Maybe not. But it's a fine line in.

00:46:15:11 - 00:46:24:04
Andrew
All right, where where a little bit of a drug dealer, because we we want you to, you know, find us on social media and that kind of stuff, but don't get stuck there, you know? Yeah.

00:46:24:04 - 00:46:46:19
Dennis
Don't get stuck there. Get inspired and then get the hell out of here and go do stuff. But also, you may have, you know, you may have friends who relate to this stuff and you might be like, hey, you got to check this guy out. And he may be just listening to the podcast, give somebody a feeling of being understood or I mean, tools that we take for granted in this culture.

00:46:46:19 - 00:47:09:00
Dennis
This might be brand new to somebody and that might be enough to make them go, yeah, that's it. I'll tell you what I did. I do not sponsor this, product in any way. So if the kid makes money from it, God bless them. But I recently downloaded an app that was in my Instagram feed. That was called Push scroll.

00:47:09:02 - 00:47:27:21
Dennis
And the way push it scroll, it doesn't flow off the tongue, but, I think that the, dev is originally like us, Spanish speaker as his first language. I think his name might be like my Ortiz or something like that. Don't quote me on that. But young guy, I wish him well. I want him to have a successful app.

00:47:27:23 - 00:47:56:14
Dennis
And I think, this app is super cool because basically what happens is, you get to block, you get to pick which apps, this thing blocks. And so for me, of all the stupid apps, I'm like, I'm embarrassing this, but whatever, I forgot, I'll be vulnerable. My like, my top four apps are, the meta products because that's where I, you know, that's where I operate my business.

00:47:56:14 - 00:48:21:22
Dennis
So Instagram and Facebook, also a sneaky little app called Pocket Chess. Because it's chess tactics and, another app called Cribbage Pro. And between those four apps, I will loop for like freakin hours. If there isn't somebody to come along and give me a reason not to, I have to be really careful with it because of my addictive personality.

00:48:22:00 - 00:48:46:15
Dennis
I'm like self-regulated because I'm trying to deal with stress. I could be reading a book, I could be meditating, I could be taking a walk. So I downloaded this app and what the app does is it basically, gives you limited minutes. And when your minutes are out, you have to do push ups, planks or, squats to get some more minutes to keep, to keep doing the thing.

00:48:46:17 - 00:49:10:03
Dennis
And you set it up and it has a little skeleton of you, you know, like it can see you do it. Do your exercises. Dude, I'm 55 years old and I'm here to tell you I will drop and do 50 pushups right now. No problem. Because this app has got like, this app has got me jacked. So if you I don't want to suggest that you don't have the right to play with your toys.

00:49:10:05 - 00:49:25:10
Dennis
I do want to say that you should do it in moderation. And if you recognize that you're having trouble with self-discipline, maybe think of a clever, clever little way to offer yourself a reward system. That's a good one.

00:49:25:12 - 00:49:25:21
Dennis
How's that.

00:49:25:21 - 00:49:54:05
Andrew
Sound? Yeah, I love it. And obviously we're coming to the end of the podcast. And one of the things that you said is that change creates opportunity. And I mean that that's kind of the vibe we're in. Obviously, beginning of 2026, everyone's like, I'm going to change this and I'm going to change that. And at some point, you know, hopefully you're still changing stuff and and taking that action and and pursuing that opportunity.

00:49:54:05 - 00:50:09:18
Andrew
But I feel like and that's a as, as we hit that that quote from you and you know play the men off stage and closing this thing out okay.

00:50:09:18 - 00:50:13:13
Dennis
So what's the question.

00:50:13:15 - 00:50:20:13
Andrew
Question is is what can we leave the men with on this topic.

00:50:20:15 - 00:50:57:21
Dennis
Of change creating opportunity? Okay. So how do I reverse if I'm a dude listening to this and I want opportunity, how do I reverse engineer everything that I've heard to get the opportunity? Change. Change does create opportunity and risk creates change. Risk. I should say risk guaranteed. Taking risks guarantees change because you're mixing it up. I said to a client recently, I said, I want you to start taking risks.

00:50:57:23 - 00:51:23:00
Dennis
And I said, they don't have to be. Hey, dude, today I, you know, whatever. Swam naked with tiger sharks or did some, you know, jackass shit. It could be just as simple as I got up at a time that was really hard for me just to say I did it. No other reason. I quit drinking coffee today just for no reason.

00:51:23:00 - 00:51:46:04
Dennis
It wasn't even a problem for me. I just decided it was a good pattern interrupter. I shaved my beard just to show the world what my own bearded face looks like. I went out and I bought a freaking pink button down shirt to wear to my next date with my wife and bro. I'm the last person in the world who would ever wear pink.

00:51:46:06 - 00:52:16:18
Dennis
I took out completely different route to work with. No idea if I was going to get lost or not. Here's one I left my phone home. Oh my god. Like like so little risks. Whatever they are, anything that creates change might have a blessing in there that creates an opportunity and success follows opportunity. So don't think as literal as you know, I need to change my job.

00:52:16:20 - 00:52:46:00
Dennis
Maybe you just need to change your shirt. No. If you put here, if you put your shirt on first, start putting your pants on first. I don't know, just mix it up, bro. So you don't become a caricature of yourself. Don't limit yourself. You are a product of the choices that you've made, but you're not destined to make the choices that you have made, because history proves that these are the choices that you make.

00:52:46:00 - 00:52:53:05
Dennis
That's how you get gridlocked. Take risks, do different things. Can I can I get any men?

00:52:53:07 - 00:52:55:13
Andrew
Amen. Brother I that's a mic drop, man.

00:52:55:15 - 00:52:56:14
Dennis
Okay.

00:52:56:16 - 00:52:57:21
Andrew
That's where we're at.

00:52:57:23 - 00:53:01:23
Dennis
All right, well, on that note, please. Off stage, Andrew.

00:53:02:01 - 00:53:20:04
Andrew
Well, if you like this, make sure you like follow us on social media. We'd love for you to share a review on your favorite podcast player. The reviews are how you can share this with people and other men like you, and get the value out of it.

00:53:20:06 - 00:53:46:04
Dennis
Yeah, let me simplify that. I want traction. Share this with you, bro. Man, get this shit out there. I'm Dennis. I'm I'm the bro coach. Man up life coaching all of that. I've been doing this for going on 14 years now. And we have not only a podcast, but a culture that you might just fit into. So if you feel like a guy who doesn't have a community, maybe this is the community.

00:53:46:06 - 00:53:51:15
Dennis
So keep listening. Like, share, follow, do all that crap that Andrew said, and we'll see you on the next one.